How To Give Feedback To Defensive or Emotional Employee

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Hey Everyone!,

How To Give Feedback To Defensive

Or An Emotional Employee

“Give lots of feedback,” they said. “Employees need it,” they said. But just because providing an honest assessment of your employees is the job of any good manager, that doesn’t mean that everyone will receive it well.

In fact, though Gallup told us that millennials need and crave feedback, just 17% actually ask for it. Among Generation Z workers, 60% want check-ins with their manager multiple times per week and 40% want daily or even more frequent interactions, according to the Center for Generational Kinetics’ 2018 report.

Some people suck at receiving criticism. 

People may become defensive or angry when the input is negative. Perhaps they shut down or ignore it entirely. With some, it may feel like you’re just speaking a different language, says Shane Metcalf, chief culture officer at 15Five, a performance management platform.

“Very few people are actually good at receiving feedback,” Metcalf says. “Anybody that is good at receiving feedback has probably gone through a process of learning how to actually receive feedback and not just get triggered,” he says. 

Try these steps to soften the blow and help your team members get better 

SET SOME GROUND RULES

Establish expectations, says Metcalf. It’s always going to be better received when employees have asked for it, so discuss why it’s important and how it can help them.

Have a conversation with your employees about how they like to receive criticism or suggestions so you’re not getting off on the wrong foot, says leadership and team coach Lisa Sansom. For example, some employees aren’t phased by receiving input in front of a group, while such a public display would cause others to shut down. If your team member prefers private, one-on-one check-ins, honoring those wishes will boost the chance that you’re heard, she says.

USE GOALS AS A FRAMEWORK

Before you start giving a barrage of suggestions and corrections, take some time to put them in context, says team development consultant Pamela Mumm. If you work with your employees to understand their goals and help them understand the organizational goals, you can relate the advice back to those overall objectives, she says.

“When you know their goals, now you are no longer combating them or you’re not in the way of them; you’re actually a resource for them,” she says. “You can say, ‘I know you, I know what you want to achieve, and I also have a different perspective. I can see something that you probably can’t see. Do you want me to tell you about it?'” she says. Now, you’re not just randomly critiquing them. You’re helping them be more effective.

MAKE SURE IT’S NOT ALWAYS NEGATIVE

Avoid the tendency to default to negative input, Sansom says. You should also be liberal with positive input. “Feedback has a negative connotation, when it’s really quite a neutral word, she says. And when you do give negative feedback, be sure to listen to the response. You may find that your employee has a different understanding or opinion. That can give you insight into how to best direct them in the future, she says. Metcalf says it’s a good idea to adopt relationship expert John Gottman’s ratio of five positive interactions to one negative interaction.

Too much negative information can cause people to shut down. They may be afraid of losing their jobs or just feel demoralized.

In a study of its teams, Google found that psychological safety–the ability to take risks without feeling insecure or embarrassed–explained why some teams outperformed others, says Amy Edmondson, author of The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. “What they discovered was that even the extremely smart, high-powered employees at Google needed a psychologically safe work environment to contribute their talents,” she says.

DON’T “HIT AND RUN”

If you notice a team member making the same mistake over and over again–perhaps forgetting to include inside sales in their financial calculations or missing an important quality control step–move beyond simple feedback and look for solutions. You might want to review the person’s process with them to look for an errant step or inefficiency that’s causing substandard performance, she says.

“You might find out from your employees, ‘Oh, I’m not getting that number,’ or ‘The number is being reported to me in a way that the technology isn’t picking up.’ There might be all sorts of really good reasons,” she says. When you understand the reason for the issue, you can work together to fixing it.

GET TO THE POINT

Sometimes, in the effort to not be too negative, managers err on the side of sugarcoating corrections or not being specific enough, Mumm says. Tiptoeing around the issue is just going to make the message confusing, she adds. The more specific you can be, the better.

Mumm finds that her clients will often complain about vague issues with their team members. They may point to a “bad attitude,” she says. “Bad attitude is not a behavior. What are the behaviors specifically? Now, when you talk to that person, talk about the specific behavior,” she says. “Once you’ve identified that specific behavior, then it becomes: How is that going to get in the way of their promotion, or the way of [them] landing business or whatever they’re trying to accomplish?” Show them how your intention is to use this check-in to help them achieve their goals.

Hope you enjoyed reading this;)

“Do you agree? Please Share your thoughts in the comments below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me!”

Bye for Know,

Sameer

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How Genuine People Motivate,Inspire Trust and Win Admiration Of People By Their Actions,Habits and Behavior or Emotional Intelligence

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Hey Everyone!,

How Genuine People Motivate,Inspire 

Trust and Win Admiration Of People By 

Their Habits,Actions and Behavior Or 

Emotional Intelligence

There’s an enormous amount of research suggesting that emotional intelligence (EQ) is critical to your performance at work. TalentSmart has tested the EQ of more than a million people and found that it explains 58% of success in all types of jobs.

People with high EQs make $29,000 more annually than people with low EQs. Ninety percent of top performers have high EQs, and a single-point increase in your EQ adds $1,300 to your salary. I could go on and on.

Suffice it to say, emotional intelligence is a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with tremendous results.

But there’s a catch. Emotional intelligence won’t do a thing for you if you aren’t genuine.

A recent study from the Foster School of Business at the University of Washington found that people don’t accept demonstrations of emotional intelligence at face value. They’re too skeptical for that. They don’t just want to see signs of emotional intelligence. They want to know that it’s genuine—that your emotions are authentic.

According to lead researcher Christina Fong, when it comes to your coworkers,

“They are not just mindless automatons. They think about the emotions they see and care whether they are sincere or manipulative.”

The same study found that sincere leaders are far more effective at motivating people because they inspire trust and admiration through their actions, not just their words. Many leaders say that authenticity is important to them, but genuine leaders walk their talk every day.

It’s not enough to just go through the motions, trying to demonstrate qualities that are associated with emotional intelligence. You have to be genuine.

You can do a gut check to find out how genuine you are by comparing your own behavior to that of people who are highly genuine. Consider the hallmarks of genuine people and see how you stack up.

“Authenticity requires a certain measure of vulnerability, transparency, and integrity.”

–Janet Louise Stephenson

1. Genuine people don’t try to make people like them.

Genuine people are who they are. They know that some people will like them, and some won’t. And they’re OK with that. It’s not that they don’t care whether or not other people will like them but simply that they’re not going to let that get in the way of doing the right thing. They’re willing to make unpopular decisions and to take unpopular positions if that’s what needs to be done.

Since genuine people aren’t desperate for attention, they don’t try to show off. They know that when they speak in a friendly, confident, and concise manner, people are much more attentive to and interested in what they have to say than if they try to show that they’re important. People catch on to your attitude quickly and are more attracted to the right attitude than what or how many people you know.

2. They don’t pass judgment. 

Genuine people are open-minded, which makes them approachable and interesting to others. No one wants to have a conversation with someone who has already formed an opinion and is not willing to listen.

Having an open mind is crucial in the workplace, as approachability means access to new ideas and help. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgment, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes. This doesn’t require you to believe what they believe or condone their behavior; it simply means you quit passing judgment long enough to truly understand what makes them tick. Only then can you let them be who they are.

3. They forge their own paths.

Genuine people don’t derive their sense of pleasure and satisfaction from the opinions of others. This frees them up to follow their own internal compasses. They know who they are and don’t pretend to be anything else. Their direction comes from within, from their own principles and values. They do what they believe to be the right thing, and they’re not swayed by the fact that somebody might not like it.

4. They are generous.

We’ve all worked with people who constantly hold something back, whether it’s knowledge or resources. They act as if they’re afraid you’ll outshine them if they give you access to everything you need to do your job. Genuine people are unfailingly generous with whom they know, what they know, and the resources they have access to. They want you to do well more than anything else because they’re team players and they’re confident enough to never worry that your success might make them look bad. In fact, they believe that your success is their success.

5. They treat everyone with respect.

Whether interacting with their biggest clients or servers taking their drink orders, genuine people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that no matter how nice they are to the people they have lunch with, it’s all for naught if those people witnesses them behaving badly toward others. Genuine people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else.

6. They aren’t motivated by material things.

Genuine people don’t need shiny, fancy stuff in order to feel good. It’s not that they think it’s wrong to go out and buy the latest and greatest items to show off their status; they just don’t need to do this to be happy. Their happiness comes from within, as well as from the simpler pleasures—such as friends, family, and a sense of purpose—that make life rich.

7. They are trustworthy.

People gravitate toward those who are genuine because they know they can trust them. It is difficult to like someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel. Genuine people mean what they say, and if they make a commitment, they keep it. You’ll never hear a truly genuine person say, “Oh, I just said that to make the meeting end faster.” You know that if they say something, it’s because they believe it to be true.

8. They are thick-skinned.

Genuine people have a strong enough sense of self that they don’t go around seeing offense that isn’t there. If somebody criticizes one of their ideas, they don’t treat this as a personal attack. There’s no need for them to jump to conclusions, feel insulted, and start plotting their revenge. They’re able to objectively evaluate negative and constructive feedback, accept what works, put it into practice, and leave the rest of it behind without developing hard feelings.

9. They put away their phones.

Nothing turns someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a quick glance at your phone. When genuine people commit to a conversation, they focus all of their energy on the conversation. You will find that conversations are more enjoyable and effective when you immerse yourself in them. When you robotically approach people with small talk and are tethered to your phone, this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Genuine people create connection and find depth even in short, everyday conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life.

10. They aren’t driven by ego.

Genuine people don’t make decisions based on their egos because they don’t need the admiration of others in order to feel good about themselves. Likewise, they don’t seek the limelight or try to take credit for other people’s accomplishments. They simply do what needs to be done without saying, “Hey, look at me!”

11. They aren’t hypocrites.

Genuine people practice what they preach. They don’t tell you to do one thing and then do the opposite themselves. That’s largely due to their self-awareness. Many hypocrites don’t even recognize their mistakes. They’re blind to their own weaknesses. Genuine people, on the other hand, fix their own problems first.

12. They don’t brag.

We’ve all worked with people who can’t stop talking about themselves and their accomplishments. Have you ever wondered why? They boast and brag because they’re insecure and worried that if they don’t point out their accomplishments, no one will notice. Genuine people don’t need to brag. They’re confident in their accomplishments, but they also realize that when you truly do something that matters, it stands on its own merits, regardless of how many people notice or appreciate it.

Bringing It All Together

Genuine people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. They are firmly grounded in reality, and they’re truly present in each moment because they’re not trying to figure out someone else’s agenda or worrying about their own.

Hope you enjoyed reading this;)

"What other qualities do you see in genuine people? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me!"

Bye for Know,

Sameer

There’s more to that

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How or Why Do You Benefit From Drinking Water From A Copper Vessel?

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Hey Everyone!,

How Or Why Do You Benefit              

From Drinking Water From 

A Copper Vessel?

Drinking water that has been cleansed and ionized in a copper vessel is a common practice. In India, this transformed, therapeutic water taken from a copper cup is called Tamra jal. 

Copper is found to have many intrinsic properties that are good for your health.

Copperized water is a natural antioxidant that helps balance the three doshas of the body (kapha, vata and pitta). The trace amount of copper in a Tamra jal is safe and healthful, even when added to other normal dietary sources of copper.

To illustrate this point, have you ever wondered why after drinking multiple glasses of water a day, you still feel thirsty and not energized?

In order to make drinking water safe, water treatment plants use basic filtration systems to remove most contaminants. These systems make water safe for drinking but they also destroy water’s vital life energy and drastically shift its natural pH. By the time your drinking water has been treated, traveled great distances through water pipes and gets into your glass, it has lost much of its vitality, tasting “dead”. As a result, the water we drink is not easily absorbed by our cells, leaving us wanting more. The Tamra™ recharges the vitality of your drinking water. It ionizes, energizes, and balances the pH, making the water “alive” again. This energized water is better absorbed by your cells and therefore enhances hydration.

Scientifically speaking, when water is stored in a copper vessel for over eight hours, very small quantities of copper get dissolved in this water. This process is called “oligodynamic effect” and has the ability to destroy a wide range of harmful microbes, molds, fungi etc. due to the toxic effect it has on living cells.

This positively charged water is extremely good for health. Even though sometimes it may taste a bit odd, it is worth noting that this water never becomes stale and can be stored for a long time.

It is highly beneficial to store water in a copper cup overnight and drink from it as soon as you wake up.

Some of the benefits of drinking from a copper cup are:

1) Aids digestive functions 

Copper has inherent properties that help in the process of digestion. It stimulates the uniform contraction and relaxation of the stomach that eases digestion and helps the food move along the digestive tract. Moreover, it helps to kill bacteria and reduce inflammation in the stomach. Copper also contains properties that help cleanse and detoxify your stomach, aiding and regulating the function of the kidneys and liver.

2) Weight loss 

Drinking water from a copper cup on a regular basis can help you shed weight. Copper helps in breaking down fat and also helps to eliminate it efficiently out of the body. Thus, it helps your body to keep whatever it requires and discards the rest.

3) Heals wounds 

Copper is also known to possess antibacterial, anti-viral and anti-inflammatory properties. Due to these properties, it serves to quickly heal both internal and external wounds, while strengthening your immune system.

4) Slows the aging process 

The natural remedy for the fine lines on your face might be copper. Rich in anti-oxidants, it helps to fight free radicals, bringing about the formation of new cells. Regularly using copper cups can also give a radiant glow to your face.

5) Helps to prevent heart diseases and cancer 

Copper is an effective remedy to prevent the risks of cancer and cardiovascular diseases. According to studies, copper has been found to regulate heart rate, blood pressure and also aids in drastically reducing a person's cholesterol level, leading to improved cardiovascular health. Certain studies have found that copper has anti-cancer effects but the exact mechanism for such a process is still unknown.

6)Brain function

Stimulates brain function. Our brain works by transmitting impulses from one neuron to another through an area known as the synapses. These neurons are covered by a sheath called the myelin sheath that acts like a sort of conductive agent – helping the flow of impulses. How does copper figure here you ask?  Well, copper actually helps in the synthesis of phospholipids that are essential for the formation of these myelin sheaths. Thereby, making your brain work much faster and more efficiently.  Apart from that copper is also known to have anti-convulsive properties (prevents seizures).

7)Bone strength

Boosts bone strength and Combats arthritis and joint pain.Copper has very potent anti-inflammatory properties. This asset is especially great to relieve aches and pains caused due to inflamed joints – like in the case of arthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. Apart from that, copper also has bone and immune system strengthening properties, making it the perfect remedy for arthritis and rheumatoid arthritis.

8)Fertility

Improves fertility

How to buy a copper vessel

If all its benefits have convinced you to try storing and drinking water from a copper vessel, here is a guide to buying the right kind of vessel.

It is important to buy vessels that are made of pure copper. Do not buy ones that have other metals mixed in it. Some of the commonest vessels made with copper are copper water jugs or a kalash. If buying a jug or kalash is too expensive for you, you can invest in a copper glass.

Once you have bought it, rinse it out with water and pour water into the vessel and cover it. You can use a steel or glass dish for this.

One very easy way to distinguish between pure copper and an adulterated version is to know that copper is a very soft metal and pure copper is difficult to mould into intricate shapes. So if the design of your copper vessel is very intricate, it is most probably not made with pure copper.

How to clean copper bottle

Traditional methods of cleaning copper bottle is by rubbing the copper with a mixture of salt and tamarind paste. Nowadays, you can use fresh lemon juice, salt or baking soda and vinegar to clean it. Allow it to stand in bottle overnight or at least 8 hours for best effects. Rinse in the morning.

No wonder our ancestors had copper vessels for drinking water. And don’t you think they had lived longer and healthier than their modern aqua-filtering counterparts! A debate may be on, but again, copper water is definitely good for all of us.

WARNING

Copper is not innately utilized by our body. That is why too much of the metal can be detrimental. According to the FDA, about 12 mg/day is more than sufficient for the body to use without causing any harm. So, do not overdo the entire exercise. Drinking water twice or thrice in a day from a copper vessel is more than enough to reap its benefits.

Hope you enjoyed reading this;)

“What Do You Think About How Do You Benefit From Drinking Water From A Copper Vessel? Please Share your thoughts in the comments below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me!” 

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Sameer

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How To Turn Your Phone Into A Friend, Instead Of An Enemy

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Hey Everyone!,

How To Turn Your Phone To A Friend, Instead of An Enemy

Technology doesn’t have to be an isolating force

“How could a phone be a shrink?” This question drove my research at Intel in 2006 and led to a prototype we called the Mood Phone. I knew the idea flew in the face of an implicit tenet of therapy: that unmediated interpersonal dialogue was essential for it to be effective. But I also knew that the traditional model of therapy was constrained by the technological limitations of the age in which it first developed.

I spent the better part of a decade training to become a clinical psychologist. I saw how powerful individual therapy can be, but I also knew that the “talking cure” — the late-19th-century paradigm of an extended dialogue between a therapist and client held in a setting removed from the client’s everyday life — didn’t scale. A good therapist is expensive, physically distant, and available by appointment only. Our problems occur in the mix of our lives, unscheduled.

So I began the Mood Phone effort as an experiment with colleagues at Intel and Columbia University. The Mood Phone was an app designed to serve as a personal therapeutic agent, with interactive prompts rooted in the psychological principles used by therapists, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy. We wanted to offer individuals a digital therapist at their disposal. The Mood Phone integrated sensors, calendar prompts, and self-tracking data to detect emotional changes. It offered visual and verbal cues to help individuals navigate their problems in real time.

One of the early hints that this tool would be more than a private therapist in your pocket came from a participant named Chandra, who told me how she used it to manage a toxic interaction. She had walked into a bar to meet friends when she heard one of them bad-mouth a mutual friend who wasn’t there. It got uglier and turned into a character assault. Chandra checked her Mood Phone and saw that it happened to cue up a helpful rhetorical question, which she showed to her friends: “Might I be villainizing?” Villainizing, an extension of tendencies to see the world in black-and-white terms, is part of an attributional style associated with hostility. By holding up a mirror in this way, Chandra interrupted the attack on her friend and perhaps even encouraged some self-reflection among her friends in the bar.

Chandra had taken a technology carefully designed for one purpose and extended its use for another. She had turned it into a social tool appropriate for her situation. Perhaps much of the concern about communications technology came from an assumption that people would use these tools exactly in the way that the designers had anticipated. What if we looked at how people are making these tools their own, going beyond the expected uses? What if we looked more fully at how these tools are being used in the complex social situations of daily life?

I suspect that the value we get from technology similarly depends on how we challenge it and let it challenge us.

In the years since that project, I have experimented with many other ways of bringing what psychologists know about emotion, communication, and health into the technologies people use throughout the day. I have also watched the ways individuals use popular products, such as ride-sharing, messaging, gaming, and augmented reality, often in unexpected ways. Some used smart lights, intended for efficiency, to signal to their partner when they were upset; others used augmented reality not for gaming but to cope with social anxiety and to help plan complex medical treatment. The lesson I first learned from Chandra — that benefit often comes as people break or expand the rules to depart from the intended usage — has played out repeatedly. I have seen that our relationship to technology and the benefits we reap from it depend on how much we make it our own.

This has motivated me to contextualize the drumbeat we hear about the perils of technology, particularly social media: increased isolation, difficulty empathizing, and impaired conversational skills. Sherry Turkle’s compelling TED Talk about the isolating effects of technology has been viewed more than 4 million times. This talk resonates with a desire for more connectedness, along with a growing concern about the distraction we see in ourselves and others.

Most of us rely on communication technology, especially the messaging, social networking apps, email, and voice services on our phones, for connectedness with family and friends. This connectedness, through whatever means it is sustained, is vital. I suspect most people reading this have suffered through periods of feeling isolated or know someone who has. Loneliness is common, particularly among those under 18 and over 65, and poses health risks (for example, dementia and heart disease) that are comparable to obesity and smoking. Like other health concerns, loneliness may spread within social networks. It is obviously not the case that all communication works against loneliness, that every glance at Facebook or every composed email cultivates feelings of belongingness or closeness. Nor is it clear that phones, social media, or the internet cause isolation. To the contrary, some research associates internet use with increased communication and social satisfaction. For those who are extraverted, these channels offer additional contact, and for those who are socially anxious, texting and online communication lower the barriers to communicating. Many teens and kids find friendship as well as acceptance through social media that is unavailable in their local communities. Online communities are often especially critical for teens who feel ostracized due to their gender identity and sexual orientation.

I broaden the definition of social media to include all the technologies we use to connect — whether that is with fleeting acquaintances, close friends and family, or larger communities. Thought about this way, social media extends well beyond social networking sites, messaging, and email. Even reminders from voice assistants are used interpersonally. Take the example of a father who has trouble enforcing time limits with his young kids. When he simply tells them they have five more minutes of playtime, the end of that time seems subjective. He may announce that time’s up at five minutes or maybe 15. Regardless, his daughters resist and wiggle for more time. Lately, he’s been calling in reinforcement, saying to his home device, “Okay, Google, let’s set a timer for five more minutes of playtime.” This makes it official. When the timer goes off, he is not the bad guy.

A related exchange played out between two brothers who had grown apart. The younger of the two, Paul, recently sent his brother, Roger, a voice message through the Alexa app in which he sang a song they laughed about as kids. This endearing exchange took an amusing turn when the smart speaker in Roger’s kitchen, which was playing Paul’s message, apparently took Paul’s singing as a cue to play the original version of the song. Roger was suddenly transported decades back to a time when he and his brother often laughed together about this silly song.

Rather than regarding technology as an external force or temptation that we have to struggle against, I propose thinking about the alliances we form with technology. This alliance begins when we acquire or access something, perhaps a new device, service, or data, and evolves as the technology challenges us and we challenge it. We bring the technology into social situations it wasn’t designed for. We draw on it to negotiate the limitations we see in ourselves. In exploring new applications for it, we find new perspectives on ourselves and our social worlds.

In suggesting that we ally with technology, I am adapting the concept of the therapeutic alliance — the collaborative bond between patient and therapist that has been identified as a critical element of treatment. This alliance develops in part from mutual challenging: The therapist questions aspects of a patient’s life story that may limit her expectations for the future; the patient critiques the therapist’s interpretations and the process. I suspect that the value we get from technology similarly depends on how we challenge it and let it challenge us.

Hope you enjoyed reading this;)

“Do you agree?Please Share your thoughts in the comments below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me!”

Bye for Know,

Sameer

There’s more to that

If you’re looking for more,Please subscribe to my blog by clicking on Subscribe in a reader the icon or Subscribe via Email by submitting your email id on the side bar ;)

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